14 years ago
Well, I would try talking to her and informing her of how her actions affect others. If that didn't work then I'd take away some of her rights such as talking on the phone to friends and watching her favourite tv shows.
That sounds harsh but she needs to nip that behaviour in the bud right now or she'll never learn.
14 years ago
It is all about accountability. Take his cellphone, tv, computer anything to make him feel consequenses for his actions. I have never had to deal with any bullying at home but the way I have disiplined my kids was to make them accountable anf letting them know there consequenses. As a parent you need to find what consequenses will hit home the best. As a parent if you are in some kind of fear in your home and you dont have somone there to straighten the kid up you should contact a local crisis center and let this kid know that abusive behavior will get him removed from the house and you have to mean it when you do it.
14 years ago
Since you didn't say if you are a parent or a sibling, I am going to give you an answer based on if you are a parent, since that is the situation I myself have had to face at one time with my teenage son who used to bully me. When my son would bully me and basically dare me to do something about it, I did two things. First, I stopped doing things for him - no laundry, no cooking, no extra attention. I told him that since he had no respect or appreciation for me, then I was not going to continue to do things for him if he was going to treat me so poorly. Second, I stopped engaging in arguments and fighting when it was clear that he was in a frame of mind devoid of all logical reasoning. Instead of fighting with him, I simply told him that when he becomes an adult he can make his own rules in his own home, but since he is a minor living in a home that I provide for him, he is subject to MY rules, which include the expectation on my part that he and all family members treat each other with respect and do their part to contribute to the family (by cleaning up after themselves, helping out etc). I told him that if he didn't like those rules, he was welcome to find other living arrangements and that he might want to look into that now because if the bullying behavior continued, I would call the police and have him removed from the home or would kick him out.
Bear in mind that I am the sort of mother who has been accused of being too soft or not strict enough. I am thoughtful of the feelings of others, especially my children, and have gone out of my way to protect my kids from emotional and physical harm. There are specific reasons why my son was a bully which aren't necessary for me to go into, but suffice it to say, my method worked for him. It might not work for everyone, but it worked in my situation. My son realized I was serious and I had enough. He realized he would need to change his behavior or have to face the stress of worrying where he was going to live when he didn't have a driver's license, a car, or a job. Every now and then when he would start to mistreat me or his sister, I wouldn't hold it over his head, but I would say to him "well, if you can't treat me with respect, you know you are welcome to leave". That usually jogs his memory and reminds him that while I love him and want him to live in his home with his family, bullying will not be tolerated.
Anyway, if you are a parent and need help with bullying behavior and it is getting very bad, I would suggest calling a counselor. Often, a teenager who bullies is someone who is not happy and is taking out his/her frustrations on those around them because it's a way to cope. It's kind of like the old "kick the dog" syndrome where a person has a bad day and they come home and kick the dog, who is innocent, because they have to take out their frustration on someone and they know the dog will love them no matter what. I wish you all the best in this situation.
14 years ago
Oh have I been there! He was stripped of just about all luxuries. He lost his tv, mp3 player, stereo, phone, and video games. They know if they try to bully me they will be told to go away and not come back until their attitude is in check and they treat me the way they have been raised to treat me. When they're told to go away they go to their rooms because they know they aren't allowed out of the house. They'd just hang out at a friends and it wouldn't teach them anything.
My oldest turned to physical bullying for a while. Getting nose to nose with me, pushing against me, was dumb enough to swing at me once, and once even threw a shelf full of books at me. He realized I had a right to and would physically defend myself (at the urging of his therapist). He landed in more intense therapy, and grounding until hubby and I felt he had genuinely not only learned his lesson but realized it was wrong and why.
He has often looked back on it and not only apologized but when other kids around him have been disrespectful with their parents he has commented, "I'd never do that with MY mom. She don't take crap like that!"
He is now very loving, affectionate, and respectful with me. Of course he's still a normal teen and will mouth off occasionally but he knows as soon as it's out of his mouth that it was a mistake and he heads off to his room. Normally appearing a short time later with an apology.
My youngest one has never really bullied me and never been physical and just telling him to go away and come back when his attitude is in check has worked.
I also made it clear to my son if he got physical with me he would be thrown into the mental health ward and would also face criminal charges. If the bullying is physical, that is not something you can tolerate at all especially at such a young age. It has to be stopped before he/she becomes and out of control adult.