14 years ago
busseysmom

Are "Thank Yous" not cultural for Asians?

This isn't meant to be racist. I have some Asian friends and I don't feel comfortable asking them. I've been to two weddings recently and have given money on these occasions, as well as money or gifts on several other occasions for co-workers or my son's classmates and have not received a thank you nor acknowledgement for the gifts. In each case these families were Asian. I am not Asian, I am American, and these events occurred here in the U.S. Maybe "thank yous" are an American custom? I would like to know because I think a thank you is a simple gesture to make and I'm feeling offended. Shouldn't people living in this country be aware of common courtesies such as thanking? I think I'll skip the next similar affair because I'm feeling under-appreciated.
Top 9 Answers
14 years ago
greyewolfe
Favorite Answer
Depends really...if ur giving money to older people its not really required for them to thank u espescially if u r not close to them. If its someone younger with more modern values than most likey u should be thanked. Its required at birthdays/celebrations/wedding to give money packets. Required so that means you might should get thanked but it really depends on who u r to the people. Thanking people is definitely not an american custom its in almost every language u cant say its only american for sure. And you shouldnt be offended, maybe they dont know you or dont speak english well I dont know...in different cultures its required to reiceive gifts and such in different ways. Remember, even if ur giving ur best into something or pushing urself u do something and ur not being thanked u still know wat u did right? u dont need thanking or appreciation all the time when u know u did ur best or did what u should hav done.
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14 years ago
Anonymous
I'm not really sure what you are talking about. At my recent wedding, I made a speach thanking everyone for coming. I went to every table thanking everyone. I wrote thank you cards for everyone. Were you formally invited? Or were you a friend of a friend? Perhaps they don't have your contact info? Did you sign the registry? Also, I noticed that Americans are very cheap when it comes to wedding gifts. Asian families give at least $100 dollars to help new couple out. Sorry, but $20 dollars is not going to cut it. It's like you keep the money, it's obvious that you need it more than I do. Ha!
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14 years ago
?
Most Asians I know are more polite than the "average" American so I find this very strange and can only speculate the following: Maybe those particular communities don’t like to mingle with Americans and don’t want your company. Doesn’t mean that they are racists, just that they like to keep to themselves, which is not uncommon amongst a lot of communities—not only Asians. The other thing is that maybe they haven't figured how powerful a simple thank you note can be. I used to send birthday cards with handwritten messages to my employees straight to their home and when my birthday came around they would shower me with all manner of gifts to the point I felt guilty for the money they had spent doing so. Also different cultures have different ways of expressing themselves and the handwritten thank yous seems to be an "American" thing which, like snail mail, is almost completely obsolete. You should give them the benefit of the doubt and just think they were too busy or just didn't know how to do it or what to say for fear of offending you. You'll never know though. Don't you miss those handwritten letters? It is a lost art.
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14 years ago
R G
I don't think the lack of gratitude extends only to the Asian community. I been to enough Caucasian weddings (I am also Caucasian) the past few years and have sent birthday and Christmas gifts by mail, where no thanks or acknowlegement was given for the gifts received. I don't think you are wrong in feeling not appreciated. I just feel it is a direction North American society in general has taken. I am a firm believer in a Thank you card. Weddings I attend, but gifts are no longer sent by mail.
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14 years ago
shubhangi k
Unlike Americans, amongst Indians it is very impolite to call a person who is older than you by his first name. To kiss anyone publically or call your mother-in-law Julie or Martha is shocking to us. So you know customs differ from community to community. I might find a "Thank You" note very dry, formal and only ritualistic, and rather insincere if it comes from a close friend. Haven't your friends said (orally) "Thank You" at the time of taking the gift?While dealing with Asians I think you should pay more attention to their body language, facial expressions and especially eyes.
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14 years ago
Sager
I won't claim to know about all Asian customs, and I must say that I think it's terribly small minded of you to ask a customary question about all Asians. It's a huge continent with a lot of different countries and customs. Your question is therefore ambiguous and misdirected. What I can tell you in attempt to answer this Americans question is that I do know, coming from a Korean familiarity (my grandmother), is that Koreans are very polite, courteous and probably have better manners than most Americans. I'm offended by your generalization, lack of culture and tact.
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14 years ago
tuinui
What nationality are you actually talking about? Asia is an entire continent. Here in Thailand we say thank you all the time, and we are definitely Asians.
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14 years ago
Bobby K
They say the same about us except the words are "I'm sorry"
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14 years ago
getting_bored
its okay to say that, no problems
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